


Battle Symphony

by drunkraiinbow



Series: Set My Heart on Fire [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Boys In Love, Falling In Love, Fluff, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Insecurity, M/M, Past Domestic Violence, Pining, Recovery, This is cute
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-23
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-10-26 06:36:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20737835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drunkraiinbow/pseuds/drunkraiinbow
Summary: Eddie can feel that there is something between him and Buck. He would even go as far to say Buck likes him.But then, why is Buck always running away when Eddie gets too close?





	Battle Symphony

**Author's Note:**

> Day 1 - Recovery of the [Buddie Week](https://buddieweek.tumblr.com/) on tumblr.  
This is going to be a series of three connected one shots, and I really really hope I can finish them in time for their respective days. If not, I'll post them a bit late, but I will finish this! 
> 
> Beta-read by [GavotteAndGigue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GavotteAndGigue/) \- thank you so much for doing this without being in the fandom!

For Eddie, it was love at first sight. Ever since he had first laid eyes on Buck, he had known that he had fallen head over heels for the young firefighter with a pink birthmark over his left eyebrow, giving him a roughed-up, youthful appearance to which his carefree grin suited perfectly.

At the beginning, Buck had been hard to get to know. Eddie knew that Buck had felt threatened in his masculinity since the first day, trying to compete with Eddie even though there had not been a single reason for that. Maybe Eddie had known more than the typical recruit, or had lunged forward too eagerly during their first rescue service at the garage and set Buck off by correcting his medical skills. Buck had only snapped because he had felt embarrassed, Eddie knew that now, but back then he had only thought of Buck as a dick.  


(Also, the conversations about Buck's girlfriend traveling around the world had been very confusing and he had constantly asked himself if they had still been together or not. Eddie had been very insistent on that.)

He would have to thank the guy who fired a grenade into his own thigh later. That incident had opened both of their eyes and brought back the butterflies in Eddie's stomach. Buck had been looking into his eyes after they had managed to pull the armed grenade out of the man's thigh, laughing in relief and telling him he would have his back as well.  


The ambulance had blown up only seconds later and the midnight snack in a cozy 24 hour diner afterwards had never tasted so good, owing in part to the fact that Buck had been staring at him with those big blue eyes from across the booth.  


Their knees had touched under the table. Buck had blushed, hastily dropping his gaze, staring at the intriguing half-eaten burger on his plate. Eddie had smiled and gone back to eating, lightly chatting about nonsense to keep Buck distracted. The poor boy probably had never thought about liking men before. It would take time.  


Except, the more time Eddie spent with Buck in the following weeks, the more smiles he returned, the more they accidentally touched – the more Buck seemed to shy away from him. The young firefighter would blush and laugh nervously, then turn around and not look at him again.  


In any other situation, Eddie would have accepted that Buck simply wasn't interested in him and probably straight as hell, but the thing was, something told him he wasn't wrong. Buck  _ was _ interested. He might not have been gay, but probably bisexual. At least he didn't shy away when Hen hugged him, or when Bobby patted his shoulder at the end of a shift.  


Hell, Buck even helped him with his son. As soon as Christopher showed up at the firehouse, Buck was around, explaining the different vehicles and their equipment. Christopher even got to slide down the firepole with Buck's help. Buck's eyes had been singing brightly for hours that day and when Christopher had left again, the fireman had stood closer to Eddie than ever.  


Of course, one could argue that Buck simply wasn't interested in Eddie and felt bothered by him, but then why did he always smile so sweetly, stare at Eddie when he thought Eddie wasn't paying attention, and keep an intimate friendship at all? Because they were friends. Buck even called him  _ brother _ .  


Eddie was more than confused. 

* * *

It was only a matter of time until his patience snapped, when Buck tried to shy away after their shoulders had touched accidentally.  


Instead of just asking their colleagues and riskoutting them both, Eddie grabbed Bucks wrist and pulled him into a nearby broom closet, shielding the exit with his body.  


"We gotta talk," Eddie breathed and ran a hand through his hair. It was hard to deny that he was nervous, but he couldn't wait any longer. He needed clarification, needed to know how much hope he could allow himself to have before his heart would be broken.  


The closet was small and it was dark, but Eddie could see Buck pressing against the wall in the most casual way, as if he didn't want Eddie to see his discomfort. His bottom lip quivered slightly but his gaze was firmly glued on Eddie.  


"And what do you wanna talk about?" Buck asked, distress coming through his voice. "No homo, bro. You pulled me into a broom closet. People might talk already."  


"Yeah, about that," Eddie laughed joylessly

Why did no one tell him how hard it was to find words in situations like these? "Just wanted to know if everything's good between us."

"It's all cool–" Buck blinked confusedly, but got interrupted by Eddie.  


"Then could you please tell me why the fuck you're always backing away when I touch you? Think you could become gay from skin contact?"  


Buck's eyes widened.  


"Eddie– w-what? I-I didn't– I mean that's not w-what I–," he tried to start but stopped in the end, looking lost and small.  


Shit. He didn't want it to sound like that. Eddie cursed internally, but the rage inside his body was still brooding. Despite Buck's big eyes and the gasp, as if Eddie had hit a point, he carried on.  


"I mean, you obviously don't have a problem when it's Hen, or Bobby, or literally anyone else. And I'm your friend, but hell, I'm not blind. So could you please stop looking at me as if you want to fuck with me, if you can't stand me anywhere near you?"  


Silence.  


"Or at least explain to me, so I won't feel stupid anymore?" Eddie added with a groan when he didn't hear Buck replying.

"Eddie–," Buck finally whispered. It sounded off, somehow far away and Eddie blinked behind the haze of frustration, really looking at his friend this time.  


Buck was leaning against the wall now, as if he was searching for support. He trembled slightly but visibly, bottom lip caught between his teeth. It would start bleeding if Buck didn't stop biting into the red flesh. But that wasn't what hit Eddie straight in his heart.  


Buck's eyes were glassy, as if he were seconds away from crying.  


Eddie gulped and tried to move closer, but stopped when Buck flinched and whimpered, trying to fuse with the wall.  


Realisation hit Eddie hard. Jesus, Buck really was about to cry. His best friend was afraid of him. And it was all Eddie's fault.  


"Buck," he breathed and froze for a second, before he tried to approach the man again, slower and calmer than before. "I'm sorry, brother. I didn't want to scare you…"  


But Buck didn't reply anymore. He pushed past Eddie, practically fleeing from the closet . Eddie could only watch as he left the building, Buck's quiet sobs ringing in his ears.

That was not how he had imagined this conversation would go. 

* * *

Buck had called in sick for the next shift, surprising not only Eddie, who had been calling and texting him without a break since Buck had run away the other day, but also Bobby. Apparently, Buck had never called in sick before. Considering that Buck hadn't responded to any of Eddie's attempts to reach out to him, he probably didn't want to see him as well.  


Work was not the same without Buck. Eddie could barely concentrate during the shifts, missing Buck's careless laugh and shining eyes, so pure and innocent despite the horrible accidents they saw on a daily basis. At home, he would try not to think about Buck, but of course he failed to do so. Christopher just had to ask about Buck and the man was back in Eddie's head.  


When another shift without Buck had gone by, Eddie was more concerned. He had gone too far, he was going to be honest about that, but what had he done that Buck didn't come to work a second day? Usually, the man was one of the first to jump into the burning building, eager to save as many people as possible. Eddie must have messed up pretty bad.

The more he thought about it, the more it drove him nuts. He needed to talk to Buck. Needed to apologize for everything that had happened. And if Buck didn't reply to his messages or take his phone calls, Eddie needed to take this into his own hands.  


That was how he found himself standing in front of Buck's door not long afterward. His shift had barely ended when he had already been sitting in his car. It was early afternoon, and technically he should have gone to bed after an exhausting 24-hour-shift, but this was more important.  


He didn't care that his shorts were crumpled from being stuck in his bag for too long, or that his hair was a mess. It only mattered that Eddie raised his hand and knocked against the door. He was nervous. In his stomach seemed to be a whole swarm of bees summing and humming and tickling his stomach with their wings.  


Thoughts were coming up. What if Buck didn't like him anymore? Would he found a better friend? Someone who didn't mind that Buck would shy away from closeness. Someone who didn't yell at him for being a little bit different.  


By the time Buck was actually opening the door, Eddie was breathless and about to panic. He could see a spectrum of emotions rushing over Buck's face before the man tried to slam the door shut again.  


Eddie stuck his foot in before Buck could close the door .  


"I know I'm the last person you want to see, but I really need to talk to you," he started and didn't let Buck speak when he saw him taking a breath. "I really need you to know that I'm sorry for what I've said."  


That made Buck pause, staring up at Eddie with those big eyes. He bit down on his lip helplessly.

"You… you are?" Buck asked after a moment and their eyes met while Eddie nodded slowly.

"I truly am. You didn't deserve anything of this."  


Buck seemed to stare at Eddie for a small eternity, insecurity clearly showing in his eyes, but also something else Eddie couldn't quite catch. Eddie tried to smile reassuringly. He wasn't sure how convincing he was though, until Buck stepped aside and opened the door for him more.  


"Can we talk inside?"  


With that, Buck turned around and walked down the hall, leaving it to Eddie to close the door. For another second, Eddie only stared at Buck's back, hoping he wouldn't fuck this up again. He couldn't – not this time.  


Eddie shut the door and slipped out of his shoes, leaving them next to Buck's, before he followed him down the hallway and into the bright living room. A stairway led to the open, second floor, which seemed to be Buck's bedroom considering the king-size bed behind the railing.  


Other than that and a few other pieces of furniture, including the dining table around the corner or the couch under the staircase, the apartment was empty. Eddie knew that Buck had never lived by himself, always couch surfing somewhere, but it was clear that Buck didn't know what to do with all the space.  


Eddie would have loved helping him put up some paintings and photographs on the wall, filling shelves with books and DVDs and maybe some Playstation games, but he wasn't here for interior design. At least not today.  


Buck was waiting for him on the couch, one knee pressed against his chest, arms slung around his leg. He nodded at the free spot beside him and Eddie sat down gratefully, rubbing his hands together.  


"Buck, I'm–" he already started, but Buck shushed him, shaking his head with a frown.  


"Let me, please," Buck murmured. "I need to tell you something. Maybe you'll understand, because I… I really like you. And I don't want to lose you over this."  


Eddie wanted to disagree, because no matter what, he wouldn't leave Buck hanging, but one look at Buck's eyes and he shut his mouth again, nodding slowly. He would listen.  


"Good," Buck breathed and bit his bottom lip for a moment, "I guess this is the part where I tell you I'm bisexual and have had relationships with men before. Nobody knows at the firehouse, cause I stopped dating men."  


Eddie stayed silent when Buck paused to take a deep breath, laughing desperately.  


"My last real relationship was… He hit me. I didn't understand it at that time, I thought I would... I would deserve it? And I was afraid to tell anyone. I was just fresh out of school, didn't know what to do and he was a little bit older, had already achieved so much a-and I thought, what would my word be against his? Who would even believe me? Men don't… men don't get hit or abused."  


It was a lot to process. Suddenly, Eddie felt like the biggest jerk on earth. Of course, Buck had flinched whenever he had tried to touch him. Of course, Buck had wanted to flee from him, when he had tried to corner him in a broom closet. How had he been so stupid?  


"When I finally left him and came to L.A., I couldn't be with men anymore, so I turned to women. And it was okay and good and everyone just assumed I'm straight I guess?" Buck continued, babbling now while he squinted at Eddie. "But then you had to show up and be so perfect! I really like you, Eddie. Like, really really like you."  


Buck blushed.  


"Wait," Eddie whispered, blinking rapidly while he stared at the man in front of him. "You like me? You still do, after all I've done?"  


He had never thought this could happen after Buck had ran away from him. Eddie's heart fluttered, the swarm of butterflies running riot in his stomach.  


Buck smiled. "Yeah, I do. And I hope you like me back, maybe enough to… you know."  


"Try this?" Eddie completed breathlessly, because  _ yes _ , he really did so. "I'd love to, Buck. I'd love to so much."  


He could barely hold himself back from reaching out to Buck, but he did, not wanting to scare him away.

"It will take some time until I can do all the couple stuff," Buck hesitated to say. "Like, kissing or the sex thing. I'm still trying to get over this, though it's already a lot better."  


"That's okay, Buck. We don't need to do these things if you're uncomfortable with it," Eddie tried to assure him.  


"I mean, it's not for always. It's just, at the moment. We need to take it a bit slow at the beginning."  


Buck was nervous, Eddie realized, nervous this couldn't work out because they had to figure a few things out. And Eddie realized that he himself didn't mind that at all.  


Eddie smiled at Buck when he reached out to take Buck's hand in his, but stopped inches away from his skin, looking up in Buck's blue eyes.  


"Can I take your hand?" he asked softly.  


This time, Buck didn't seem nervous anymore, and he reached out and placed his hand in Eddie's, letting Eddie hold it.  


"We have time. We don't need to do anything you feel uncomfortable with. It's not a race, Buck, and I'll be with you for as long as you want me to."

"Promise me?" Buck asked and squeezed Eddie's hand slightly.  


"Promise you," Eddie smiled back at him.

Recovery was a process. Eddie could work with that.

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this, please leave me a kudos or a comment to let me know! <3  
Find me on [tumblr](https://drunkraiinbow.tumblr.com/) and talk to me about the boys!


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